


S2 E18 17 People

by JDPostEpisodeChallenge, kcat1971



Series: Josh & Donna Post Episode Challenge [23]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-02 23:56:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17273570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JDPostEpisodeChallenge/pseuds/JDPostEpisodeChallenge, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcat1971/pseuds/kcat1971
Summary: Secrets can change relationships.





	1. Chapter 1

She pauses in the doorway and watches him for a moment. Well, who can blame her? Him standing on that chair with his back to her. . . . It's a really spectacular view. He DOES have the cutest butt in politics.

She can almost count down to the moment the inevitable happens, and the binders go flying to the floor.

"We keep them on computer, you know." She's trying to keep this light, keep some semblance of playful banter as she helps him clean up his mess. But her tone is off a little, and of course he picks up on it.

"What the hell is happening now?"

She takes a breath and launches into the speech she'd practiced earlier. For whatever reason, she'd decided that today was the day to tell him. She just hopes she can get through it.

"You feel, I believe, because you're quite addle-minded, that this job was my second choice."

"Hey, I'm just grateful we were your last choice."

"I'm gonna give you a little gift right now, which you don't deserve."

Even though she says that, she doesn't really believe that he doesn't deserve it. He does. He's given her everything, taking her back after her little trip back to crazy land. Maybe someday he'll know the full extent of what it meant to her when he let her back into his world, but this should do for now. A way to let him know how important it was.

"Donna, if you've got your old Catholic-school uniform on under there, don't get me wrong, I applaud the thought, but..."

Ugh. When he says stuff like this it's so hard for her to remind herself that's he's just joking. He doesn't really want to have sex with her. And the flowers . . . those are even harder. Part jest, part friendship. It gets so confusing! And the way he's looking at her right now. He's really cute, even though sometimes he pushes the boundary just enough to annoy her. Especially right now, when she's trying to tell him something important.

"Okay, what I need is for you to stop being like, you, for a second."

"Okay." He immediately straightens up. For all his goofiness, he does recognize when playtime is over.

"When I came back, you remember I had a bandage on my ankle?"

His eyes go dark. "Yeah."

"I told you I slipped on the ice on the front walk?"

"Yeah. You know why? 'Cause you didn't put down the kitty litter."

"I was actually in a car accident."

"You were in a car accident?" He sounds incredulous.

"It was... "

"Seriously, you were in an accident?"

He still sounds like he doesn't quite believe her. And with good reason. After all, she lied to him about this before. And actually, she's lying to him about it right now.

"It was no big deal."

That's part of the lie. It really was a big deal, but one of the ways she copes is by telling herself that it wasn't.

"You told me it was a late thaw."

His tone is accusatory, but not angry, even though he just realized that she lied to him before.

Donna smiles weirdly and hurries on with her story, hoping he won't get around to asking why she'd lied about it. She hasn't thought of a good answer to that possible question. Maybe this wasn't the best way to make the point she wanted to make.

"Yes. I did. Anyway, they took me to the hospital and I called him and he came to get me,"

She keeps her eyes shut for most of this part, unable to look him in the eye while she's lying. But as she gets to closer to the truth, she summons her strength and makes eye contact.

"and on the way he stopped and met some friends of his for a beer."

"He stopped on the way to the hospital for a beer?"

"Yes. And that's why I left him. Which was the point of my telling you this. I left him."

This is what she needs Josh to know. She left Paul. She didn't come crawling back because she got dumped. She left. It had been the single most important thing she'd ever done. She'd left.

"So stop remembering that. What I remember is that you took me back when you had absolutely no reason to trust me again, and you didn't make fun of me or him, and you had every reason to."

Leaving the campaign to go back Wisconsin had been a mistake, but at least she'd finally been able to break free from Paul for good, and a big part of the reason why was because Josh had believed in her. She had started to feel valuable. She'd started to believe she could contribute more to the world than just supporting Paul. She had a reason to move on.

And it's amazing to get flowers to commemorate the day, but she's tired of them being a joke to Josh. Because they're not a joke to her.

"Donna... "

He's got that little smirk that makes her weak in the knees. And his tone of voice could go either way. But she really needs for him to not ask anymore questions right now. So she goes for a distraction.

"You're gonna make fun of him now, aren't you?"

"No."

"'Cause that's why I didn't tell you in the first place."

Actually that's another lie. She's just racking them up today. The reason she didn't tell him what really happened is because he would have done something drastic, and that's not something that the campaign or this administration, for that matter, needs.

"I'm not gonna make fun of him."

"Good."

"But just what kind of a dumbkiss..."

Donna cuts him off before this can go too far, just a little more of a white lie.

"He was supposed to meet some of his friends. He stopped on the way to tell them that he couldn't."

"And had a beer?"

The truth of the whole thing has a lot to do with the amount of beer Paul had before the incident, but Donna really doesn't want Josh asking any more questions. And she knows exactly how to accomplish her goal. Appeal to his ego.

"Does this make you feel superior?"

Josh looks away and starts to say something, but doesn't, because the wheels are starting to turn. But Donna continues-

" _Yes_ , you are better than my old boyfriend."

That does stop the wheels for a moment. Josh stands up and walks toward the door, but then stops in the doorway. He needs to say something.

"I'm just sayin' if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for a beer."

Donna stands up, "If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights. Thanks for taking me back."

She walks out of his office, glad this conversation is over, and that she made her point.

"Oh, and the flowers are beautiful."

Josh stands in the doorway staring after her. He's partly stunned and partly confused. The wheels are turning again. Bits of their conversation running through his mind.

She wouldn't stop for red lights. She wouldn't stop for red lights. She likes the flowers. He wasn't her second choice. She didn't come back because Dr. Freeride dumped her twice.

Wait. That's part of what's always confused him. Why would Dr. Freeride have dumped her to begin with? And why did Donna lie about the car accident when she first came back? What purpose was there for telling him she slipped and fell?

She slipped and fell . . . an accident . . . slipped and fell . . . an accident. Those are excuses people use when they don't want anyone to know . . . oh god . . . when they don't want anyone to know . . .

He watches her head back to the Roosevelt room as his chest starts to tighten, and the blood pounds away in his ears. He feels a bit dizzy so he turns back into his office, taking two steps and plopping down into a visitors chair.

He puts his head between his knees and just breathes for a minute or two.

When he's sure he's not going to pass out, he sits back up and starts to think, running through all the information he has. Trying to approach this problem logically, instead of letting his emotion carry him away. Trying NOT to think about the fact that it's Donna, and trying NOT to think about the fact that he's almost sure he already knows what the answer is.

_She'd always been a bit skittish. After conning her way into the job, it turned out that she was never quite as confident as she'd acted. As far as the job went, that worked out fine, with her double and triple checking everything. Making sure that he was always where he needed to be, always prepared, always one step ahead._

_But on the few occasions that she made a mistake, she had looked down-right scared._

_He remembers a time he missed a meeting with an important contributor because she'd written the meeting on the wrong day. He'd called her into his office and showed her the calendar, intent on teasing her a bit._

_"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" He'd taunted, as she looked at the calendar in her lap, wringing her hands. She'd continued hanging her head, unable to look him in the eye. Finally, he thought he saw her shoulders shrug infinitesimally._

_He'd been about to tease her some more when he saw a big tear drop into her lap._

_His heart had dropped. "Donna?" He beseeched. He had just been teasing. He hadn't meant to make her cry over a simple calendaring error._

_Finally, she looked up at him, tears running down her face and gave him the most heart-breaking apology he'd ever heard._

_He'd hardly known what to do, other than to tell her he was kidding, and offer to buy her some chocolate. They'd laughed about it later._

_Another time, he'd gently rebuked her over something, then he'd placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to reinforce that he wasn't mad. He'd been shocked when she'd flinched at his touch._

_He'd tried to laugh it off, apologized for startling her, telling her to relax, everyone makes mistakes, her job wasn't on the line._

_It was shortly after that she'd left. He'd found a note taped onto his laptop._

**_Dear Josh-_ **

**_I'm sorry for all the mistakes that I've made. Thank you for the opportunity of a lifetime but I think it's time I go back to where I belong. The Governor has my vote. I'm sure you'll do amazing things in the White House._ **

**_Best,_ **

**_Donna Moss_ **

_It had been like a stab to the chest. He really thought they had a connection. They were a team. She belonged with him._

_Then CJ and Toby had harassed him for being a tyrant. Working her too hard. Bellowing her name too often. Expecting too much._

_But a few weeks later she was back._

_When he'd seen her the first time, all he'd had time to say was "Thank God, there's a pile of stuff on the desk."_

_He'd planned to apologize for whatever he'd done, to try to fix it. He'd also decided that she was going to get paid, even if he had to pay out of his own pocket._

_But when he'd come back into his office, she'd already organized everything. And she was already working on the next day's tasks. One step ahead._

_"So . . . you're back. . . . For good?"_

_"Yes. This is where I belong."_

_Her words were sure. In fact, a little hard. Maybe even a bit challenging. And there was something different about her. She seemed stronger, more determined. Like she had something to prove._

_And that had been fine with him. He knew he needed her. He welcomed her back whole heartedly._

_It wasn't until they were leaving, quite late that night, that he'd noticed that she was limping._

_"Whoa, what happened to you?"_

_She delivered her slip and fall line flawlessly, with just enough self deprecation that he'd bought it hook, line, and sinker. Then they'd bantered nicely about the kitty litter._

_It was her second day back that he noticed the bruises on her upper arms. Clusters of them, in various shades of purple and yellow._

_"Well, you did quite a number on yourself." He'd said when she took her sweater off in the sweltering conference center._

_Something had flashed in her eyes but he hadn't caught it._

_"Well, I guess there's something to be said for having cats." She'd quipped, "at least then I would have had kitty litter."_

_He'd just grinned at her and turned his attention to the Governor's speech._

. . . .

"Idiot!" He mutters to himself. The signs were there. He'd missed them.

Finally, he stands up. He needs to get back to the Roosevelt Room. Because he's realized something monumental.

He loves Donna Moss.

Not like an employee. Not like a friend. Not like a little sister.

He loves her. He loves her wit. He loves her eyes. He loves her sense of humor. He loves her compassion. He loves her integrity. He loves her determination. He loves her sense of wonder. He loves her belief that they can make the world a better place.

He just loves her. And the thought of anyone hurting her makes him sick to his stomach. And he really doesn't want to let her out of his sight ever again.

The rest of the evening is awkward. He tries to make jokes but he's really not feeling very funny. He's anxious about his realizations. He's not sure what to do about either of them.

But Donna is in rare form. Making jokes, and having everyone eating out the palm of her hand. And it turns out that Ainsley really is funny too. Between the two of them and a couple recycled jokes from _Government-wide Accountability for Merit System Principles,_ they're in good shape by the time Toby comes back into the room.

Less than an hour later, Toby sends them on their way. Josh follows Donna back to her cubicle and watches her put on her coat. Once they're both ready, he offers to drive her home.

He places his hand protectively on the small of her back and guides her out the door towards his car. He still doesn't know what to say. He'll spend some time tonight figuring out what to do next. And while he's at it, he'll take a look at the White House regulations, surely there's some sort of guidance in there about how to proceed once you figure out that you're in love with your assistant.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank God the next day is Saturday and for once they don't need to go into the office. He dresses in his nicest casual clothes. Truth is he doesn't have that many casual clothes to choose from. He settles on a navy sweater and decent looking jeans.

He stops at the florist on the way to her apartment. He's usually pretty good with flowers. That's why he sends them to her every chance he gets. It's his way of saying he cares. His way of saying thank you. His way of saying I'm sorry.

Yes, he's usually pretty good at flowers, even yesterday. After all, look where they got him.

But yesterday's flowers aren't enough. He didn't know then what he knows now. He wants to give her something that will start a whole new conversation.

Her reaction may very well tell him what he needs to know. Does she feel the same way as he does?

Really, it ends up being not that hard to choose the flowers either. A bouquet of red roses says it all. "I love you."

He just hopes it's the right thing to say.

Donna opens the door to his incessant knocking, bleary eyed, a bit disheveled, and, in his opinion, looking every bit gorgeous as she does every day.

"Josh! What are you doing here?"

"I came to give you these." He thrusts the bouquet towards her.

She opens the door all the way and he walks into her small living room. It's gotta mean something that she lets her boss into her home at 8 am on a Saturday morning, while she's still in her pajamas, right?

"Are you trying to butter me up? Don't tell me we need to go into work!" She groans.

Well, he guesses the meaning of red roses isn't as clear as he'd hoped.

"No, no, no. We don't need to go into the office. I just wanted to give you some flowers."

"You gave me anniversary flowers yesterday."

"I realized some things yesterday. And I'd like to create a new anniversary."

Then, he doesn't know what to say, so he takes a step closer to her, happy that she doesn't back up, even though he's invading her personal space. And he looks into her eyes and sees a little bit of confusion, but a whole lot of hope. Then he takes her face in his hands and places a very light, very soft kiss on her lips.

"Is this okay?" He murmurs.

She can only nod. But her agreement floods through him, as he leans in and touches her mouth with his, and tries to tell her exactly how he feels, without words.

It's not a frantic kiss, full of desperation. It's a gentle and tender exploration. Getting to know another side of someone that you already trust with your life. Discovering more about someone you are already completely comfortable with. It's like coming home.

When they finally break apart, she smiles at him in wonder. "That was . . . nice."

He almost laughs. From anyone else the world, in this context 'nice' would be an insult, but from Donna, it's just right.

"So, not that I'm complaining, but what brought this on? Showing up unexpectedly on my doorstep with flowers, then kissing me!" Suddenly, her eyes narrow. "Am I dreaming?"

He laughs out loud at that, and takes her hand, and leads her toward the couch.

"You're not dreaming. And if your idea of a nice dream is an old, rumpled, politician kissing you, then you need to read something more titillating before you go to bed!"

His comment earns him an eye roll, but he just grins back at her.

"Seriously. What's going on Josh?"

"Well, I was thinking about our conversation in my office last night."

"Oh?"

Now she's feeling a little weary. She was taking a baby step. Giving him a little more of a clue about how she felt. Trying to change the narrative a little. But she didn't expect this.

"Yes. Um. . . . "

"Josh?"

Her senses are on high alert. Something's not quite right here. The kiss was amazing, incredible, everything she ever imagined. Except that she imagined that it would lead to them ripping their clothes off each other and having sex against the wall, not that it would lead to a conversation on the couch and him looking at her with sad, puppy-dog eyes.

"I don't know how to say this. . . . um, did you lie to me yesterday?"

Her heart drops. He figured it out. He knows.

"About what?"

She stalls, trying to give herself enough time to sort out the sudden sense of loss. She's never wanted anyone to know her secret. She wants to be given opportunities on her merits, not because someone feels sorry for her. And she wants Josh to see her for who she is now. Not who she was back then.

"Were you really in a car accident?"

The way he's looking at her makes her heart break. Her shoulders slump. Her eyes drop to her lap for a minute, as he continues.

"Because honestly, slip and fall, an accident, . . . those sound like excuses"

She summons all her strength. And she looks him in the eye. It is what it is. And at least from this moment forward, they won't have this secret between them.

"I didn't hurt my ankle in an accident. Paul kicked me."

She watches him flinch, and feels sorry for him for a moment. But he asked for her honesty, so that's what she'll give him.

"He was always a little rough when he was drinking. We were arguing about when I could start taking classes again. I went back to him because he said he loved me. He swore that he wasn't cheating on me, and he said I could go back to school. But then when I got there, he went right back to his old ways. He thought of me as a possession. He didn't love me, he just didn't want anyone else to have me. And he didn't want me to improve my life, or be a better person. He just wanted me to pay the bills, and wait on him hand and foot, and most importantly, to blow him whenever he was in the mood."

Josh flinches again at her words. And the tone of her voice. He's never heard her speak quite so bluntly. It's shocking to hear. He had tried to prepare himself for scared, sad, weeping Donna, but that's not who she is.

She smiles softly at him then. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shock you."

"No . . . no . . . it's okay. I've just never heard you like this before."

Then it's her turn to look sad. She doesn't want to be his pity project. She wants his love, not his sympathy.

"Josh, did this kiss just happen because all of a sudden you think I need saving?"

"No."

"Because I don't. I'm not broken. I'm not in a bad relationship. I don't need to be rescued."

"I know."

"Do you? Do you really?"

She pauses and looks intently at him. He's looking back at her in a way he never has before. It's full of love, and . . . . pride.

"I admit it. I went home last night and I researched how to help someone in an abusive relationship. But part of the way through my research, I realized that you AREN'T in an abusive relationship. You already left."

"That's right."

"I mean, it's been several years since you left Dr. Freeride, and although you have dated some gomers since then, I don't think any of them mistreated you, right? It's not like you have battered woman syndrome or anything."

"No, I don't. Therapy and being around people who honestly care about you does a body good. Paul was a mean drunk. He doesn't get to dictate who I am or how I feel about myself."

She smiles at Josh and he's once again blow away by her. She just does that to him. Somehow her words can take him away from the primal part of him that wants to kill Paul and let him focus instead on what's right in front of him.

"I didn't know what you overcame, but I've always loved your tenacity. The way that you got the job. The way that you came back. How you put everything you've got into doing your part to make this world a better place. Heck, into making me a better person!"

He picks up her hand and looks into her eyes.

"Donna, figuring out this little piece of your past is only part of what I figured out last night. The more important thing I figured out is that I LOVE YOU! I mean, I should have already figured that out sooner. There are so many parts of you that I love. I don't know why I didn't put it all together. I don't just love all the parts of you. I love you. I love all of you. I love you, Donna."

Now it's her turn to be blown away. He loves her? He knows he loves her? He's willing to say it out loud? First.

This is a turn of events that she hadn't expected today. She's known she loves him almost since the day she met him. The day he listened. The day he gave her a chance. The day her life changed.

Sure, she's spent a lot of the time since then trying to convince herself that he's just a nice man, and that it's just a crush on the first guy that didn't treat her like dirt. But deep down she's known that's not what it was. She just didn't think it could ever be mutual.

"Umm… this would be a good time for you to say something."

Instead of saying anything, she moves closer to him. Then leans in and kisses him in a way that leaves no doubt about her feelings.

When she's done kissing him. She offers him the words that he needs to hear.

"I love you too. Almost from the beginning. I tried to convince myself that it was just a crush. And I tried to keep it professional. But deep down, I knew. You're the one."

"God, I love you so much. How'd I manage to get a girl like you?" He asks rhetorically, planting another quick kiss on her lips.

"Just lucky, I guess." She jokes.

But then a little bit of concern seeps through. "So, now what? Am I going to lose my job?" She tries to keep it lighthearted. But this is uncharted territory. For both of them.

"What?! NO! Of course not." Josh is adamant.

But she's not as convinced. Surely there are rules or something. . . some reason they haven't figured this out sooner. She'll always have just a little bit of insecurity to overcome. He just said he loves her, and she believes him, but what happens now? What's he looking for?

"I mean, if we are about to start something here, I don't know, dating… or whatever, do we have to keep it a secret? Will we get in trouble?"

"No, I checked the regulations. There's nothing specifically against co-workers dating. I think we do need to give Leo a heads up. He'll want some assurances from you that I'm not pressuring you into anything." He grins at her.

"So I don't need to call a lawyer, right? I'm not about to be hit with a harassment suit, am I?"

And that does it, the cocky grin and the bit of banter. It's what she needs to know that everything is okay.

"Why would you need a lawyer? I thought you claimed to BE a lawyer."

"Everyone knows that the lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client." Josh quips, eyes sparkling.

He gives her hand a reassuring squeeze. "But seriously, Leo might want to start doing your reviews himself, just to leave a better paper trail. You know, so that they aren't tainted by my love for you."

"You don't do my reviews now! I do all the reviews for everyone under you. You just sign off on them."

"Well, yeah, but Leo doesn't know that. You're not going to out me are you?"

"I guess not. . . . since you love me and everything."

"Come on," he stands up and then tugs her up as well.

"Where are we going?"

"I thought I'd take you to breakfast. Our first date."

"Okay." She smiles happily at him, then looks down. "Oh. I need to take a shower, and change."

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Or I could just join you in the shower."

She rolls her eyes and starts to walk down the hallway. After a second she stops and looks back at him.

"Well? What are you waiting for?"

"Nothing. In fact, I wouldn't stop for red lights."


End file.
